ouch.
when he calls her the same pet name you call him :\
which is one he had never used before… le sigh….
June 2013
“I’m really afraid to feel happy because it never lasts.”
— Andy Warhol (via sullenbaby)
I will watch the last episode of The Borgias, then go study methinks.
Australian kitties???
I am new to the world of kitten play, and I want to find other kitties to be friends with!
I don’t mind where, all kitty friends welcome, but I really also be really keen for other Sydney based kitties that might be interested in (non-sexual) play dates!
Drop me a line if you’d like to talk :)
mew!
Heh. Why is it I can always offer words of love and support, and help others, but when it comes to myself, I've got nothing? :\
This is what I want.
Non-hierarchical polyamory:
Multiperson relationship where all have equal ties to the other.
Something keeps telling me I’m not cut out for this.
When actions speak louder than words, and your actions are lacking, how else am I meant to feel? What else am I meant to think?
“Be honest, brutally honest. That is what’s going to maintain relationships.”
—
Lauryn Hill
amen. if you have something to say, then say it. too grown for that reading between the lines bull shit
(via youngblackandvegan)
Trawling through the poly tags today, so many people going through similar situations right now.
At least I’m not the only one feeling it.
Brain, please stop, just for a while.
Irrelevant to you: So I’m feeling a little bleugh. I’m involved with someone who I really... →
prettyenoughwords.tumblr.com
So I’m feeling a little bleugh.
I’m involved with someone who I really like. He’s polyamorous and has a girlfriend, I’m open minded. Not sure where it’s going, or what it even is, but he’s a big part of my life.
I also chat with another guy, who also happens to be polyamorous and is quite…
This feeling of not being a someone’s #1 priority is something that scares me about the relationship I have entered.
I know he loves me, but I’m always going to be put on the back burner, especially if her headspace goes all whacky like it has been lately, and we’ve barely seen each other or even spoken because she “didn’t feel special.” It’s fears like this that truly make me wonder if I’m cut out for this. Monogamy may have been repeatedly a total disaster for me, but maybe poly will be, too.
And maybe I’m the common denominator in it all and need to look more into myself as to why I’m ruining all the things.
Acts of Grace: Polyamory as Dance: A Metaphor →
acts-of-grace.tumblr.com
Polyamory is like a dance with many people on stage at the same time, dancing with a partner or on their own. You, you have a primary dance partner (boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse) that you dance with most of the time. You know the same dances. You know the dance moves your partner likes. You…
Aside from all the focus on a “primary partner” (as it doesn’t always work this way, I’ve discovered….) this is pretty spot on and very well written. :)
Such a great time with Ink J last night.
He cooked me dinner, (so freakin sweet!), we snuggled watching action flicks. I always find those nights so relaxing and comfortable.
And today, shopping fir a friend’s wedding & new work shoes, and then lunch with one of my best mates, and later some study and chillling at home.
And tomorrow a day of study followed by evening visits by Rope J/Owner. I miss him. Barely seen him or spoken to him this week….
Oh my gosh, followers!
Hello of course to Master (my first follower). You know who you are. Hoping you’re enjoying my blog.
And now, also to Hell Kitten!
Welcome to my little corner of the world!
Thank you for sharing! :) Certainly enjoying your little corner of the world. Helping me find my paws in my own! mew!
Hell Kitten: Reading about pet play →
hell-kitten.tumblr.com
And aching for it.
Feeling so out of place today and all I want is some love and attention….
It is not my time…
A beautiful way in which an owner spoke of his beloved cat:
“As an owner, petplay means the added responsibility of taking care of another being. Training, feeding and being a…
I love the end quote to this. It’s deeply what I aspire to be: an anchor, strong and steady that will be able to support my kitten and push them to be their best.
And to user hell-kitten, who posted this original, don’t worry: I’ve spent most of my time unpartnered, onwanted, or so I thought. It simply wasn’t my time. My kitten came when it was right: hy came when my life was steady, when I was stronger. Although I feel weaker because hy brings out some very powerful emotions in me, I feel stronger and accepted like no other. And that was worth waiting for, because I got a friend and someone who likes me too.
Dear originalfluffydomme, thanks for your kind words :) I am owned, however it’s also a poly triad, and things are a little complicated at the moment, hence my apparent clingy feelings and comments re: not my time.
All of this is new to me (both poly and kitten play), and I’m still learning to the best ways to deal with all these urges and feelings, but I’m sure it’ll work out in the end. :)
OK, this makes a fuckload of sense, WHY did I not think of this before??
A note I read on K&P on FetLife:
A unicorn’s perspective on break ups
I say to Jamie: Why do we even do this to ourselves? If most relationships end, then why do we put ourselves in a position to feel this hurt?
Jamie says: well, it’s the chemicals. Because serotonin and dopamine are literally the only things that make you happy. And the two of you flooded each other with those chemicals and you got addicted to the chemicals and addicted to each other. I mean, the two of you still give each other oxytocin which makes you feel all bonded together and stuff, but oxytocin doesn’t make you feel high at all. So now your neuroreceptors are pissed and you want to beg him for those chemicals, but he doesn’t give you those chemicals anymore and you don’t give them to him. You guys just need to look at each other and say, “dude, you don’t give me serotonin and dopamine anymore. You just give me oxytocin. And, honestly, oxytocin can fuck off.”
Had wonderful cuddles last night.
He spent time assuring me he loves me, wants to be with me, still wants to be handfasted with me, and cares for me…
My walls are up, though. Time will help them come down, I hope.
I took a big step last night, and thought in an attempt to try the re-connect thing and try to open up, I would tell him some of my past.
I told him about Ed. Who has been harassing me for probably almost 2 months by now, and I hoped it would help him understand why I shut down as I do, have my trust issues, etc.
I think he now understands a bit more about how/why I am the way I am. He said he was grateful I confided in him and took such a big step.
But now I feel vulnerable…
I got to be a kitten for a while… Not as much or for as long as I wanted but I don’t think he was in the mood for a playful kitten, and my headspace was messy & distracted. But I had paws for a while which was fun. And he tied my wrists to the back of collar and fun was had.
2 weeks of no booze meant I got drunk from a bottle of cheap pink moscato. But it was nice.
Anyway… Time will tell what happens from here…
Spending today with my cats, watching some shows, and tonight I get to visit the other J, his company is wonderful and I enjoy his snuggles. He is kind & understanding and comforting.
Yeah…. So… Ranting over….
I get kitten play tonight. I am so excited! He told me I have the potential to be the perfect pet! =^.^= meow!
More kitten play research, yay!
Not handling today so well. Short staffed, swamped with work, broken bra, tired, stressed, in physical pain, headspace a mess.
Not going to go well…
Reading about pet play
And aching for it.
Feeling so out of place today and all I want is some love and attention….
It is not my time…
A beautiful way in which an owner spoke of his beloved cat:
“As an owner, petplay means the added responsibility of taking care of another being. Training, feeding and being a reliable emotional anchor for that person. That’s the key part in my mind: being reliable. Your pet should always be able to count on you. The owner in return gets the support of knowing that there is someone who will love them unconditionally, and that they will be there, waiting and eager to please when you come home. Cuddling with a pet, hearing her purr next to you, after a long week can be one of the most satisfying experiences in life.”
I wish you showed my fucked headspace the same concern as you show hers…..
Hard weekend.
Really hard.
Not coping so well today.
Should write more, but, words are hard right now.
Off to bed with furbabies and tv shows I think.
Boyfriend’s headspace got worse.
So did mine.
Housemate did not collect Benji’s ashes as requested. “I wanted to write myself a note, but didn’t want to upset you, so I didn’t, and I forgot.”
Thanks for that.
So I get up early to go get him before AWL work, break down driving there. Pick him up. Break down again. Pull over twice driving home due to tears.
Set him up a shrine when I got home, curled back up in bed, staring at it.
Housemate gets up to go to work, writes me a note on the fridge telling me to mow the lawns and do the floors in the house because I’m rarely here and should do so. (If I’m not here to make the mess, why am I cleaning it? Clean up after yourself!)
So I get the shits.
My mower isn’t working again because after last time she used it it was left full of wet grass and mud. I clean it out, still won’t start. FFS.
So I clean the inside.
Vacuum floors twice because they are gross from her two dogs and their peeing, pooping inside and muddy paws. Then mop. Then scrub the bathroom. Waiting for kitchen floor to dry so I can clean that too and wash her dirty dishes.
Seeing as I’m such a lazy, messy, selfish sack of shit, I better pull my finger out and clean messes I had nothing to do with hey!
Once I clean the kitchen I will FINALLY cook the food I was going to when I saw the rude message and go back to bed and die.
Fuck!!!
Seriously not dealing with my head right now.
Housemate said she’d pick up Benji’s ashes and put them in her bedroom.
I come home, can’t find them anywhere. I suspect she didn’t do this for me… Which has me upset.
The psycho ex is harassing me.
The more recent nutjob ex has been bitching about me to friends, while being friendly to my face, and even going so far as arranging a memorial wall hanging in Benji’s honour for me.
The current boyfriend is having a bad depression night and won’t talk to me, and my already fucked headspace kinda needed him….
I want to help him but I’m struggling so much myself…
This is about as coherent as I’m gonna get tonight…
*curls up in the corner, sobbing*
Missing him.
May 2013
I think it’s informative to connect the fight for gay marriage with the possibility of a serious fight for poly marriage. There are significant similarities between these two fights. Yet they are also significantly different. Any argument for poly marriage that frames it as exactly the same as gay marriage does a disservice to both fights.
Long, hard week at work, struggling to focus.
Snuggles and rope Thursday.
Chills Friday, met the eldest, he seems to like me. More cuddles, including with child. In fact, he insisting on sitting between us for “ALL the cuddles!”
Surprised J with my ability to make bedtime not a tantrum throwing event ;)
Today cuddles, Star Wars, visits to the other gf, and puppy cuddles.
Home now, housemate out, cuddling my kitties.
Soon bed with Buffy and my cats.
Oh, and he gave me rope to bring home and keep here for tying me up! <3
OH! And even more importantly, I have been collared. PermaHug!
